Just an ordinary Saturday, driving home from the mall and my GPS spoke those three simple words to me, "arriving at home." At first, I laughed. Home? You call this my home? . And then, I cried. I literally sat in my parked car crying because I just realized I have no idea how I got here or when it got to this point.
I haven't written in my blog for a while because I didn't really know what to write. I know I could write about my kids, my new city, or my experience as a first year teacher. But deep down, I know I didn't want to write about my true feelings about this experience because I wanted to put on a happy face for everyone and tell them that everything was going well. I think I hit a breaking point today where it's time to face the music and maybe writing about it could be helpful or at least just a way to get it off my chest.
A year ago, if I had been shown a short video of what my life was going to be like in a year and I saw my current life, I don't know if I would have made the same decisions I did. Don't get my wrong, teaching is okay. Challenging to say the least, but it's okay. My kids, for the most part, are entertaining and make me want to work hard for them. I have a few situations in the classroom that I struggle with, but it's nothing that I haven't been able to handle. Teach For America is okay. I find myself managing the work, attending the sessions, and getting frustrated with the usual.
The part of this that I'm struggling the most with is where I fit into this picture. I have my classroom, I have my "home," I have my job, I have my commitment and that's about it. I don't really have much in Charlotte except for those listed. I go from work to home and repeat 5 days. I have some friends that I've known since June but no one else. I have nothing here. I don't DO anything. And on top of that, I feel constantly inadequate for the job that I was selected to have out of an enormous pool of applicants.
I've come to the conclusion that they need to put a disclaimer on the application where you sign a box agreeing to the fact that when you decide to do this, you put your own life on hold for two years. You don't think/talk of anything other than teaching, you go to bed at 9pm on weeknights and weekends because of the work load during the week, and you worry about your children, even when you are not with them. I attended the "Work/Life Balance" session TFA put on the other night and kind of laughed as a I entered. Why would I need to be there if I don't have the second half of the balance?
And yes, it's October, the hardest month of teaching. Yes, I am still getting over being really sick this week. I am aware of all the factors that go into this. I just never really thought I would be here, crying because of my GPS.
I miss college. I miss the familiarity of where I lived. I miss my friends that know me. I miss being able to walk on campus and run into someone I know in 5 seconds. I don't even feel like me. I was never the person to complain all the time. I'm supposed to be upbeat, bubbly Alyssa with not a care in the world.
I guess my question for now is does it ever get better?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Ups and Downs
Week two was full of them. I like to think of week two as the week where my students got comfortable and let their true selves shine. Unlike week one, there were tears, there were behavior problems, and there were bad grades. But among the bads were greats including 10/19 100%s on our first spelling test, my very first teacher present from one of my students, and me starting to figure out what I seriously need to be doing to educate my students.
I spent two nights in the TFA office this week. The first being for a brief course in drafting a math unit assessment and the second being a Workshop course. Although I stayed at my school until 6:00 to drive over to the office, I was so happy to see faces I don't normally see during the week. I will say that these little sessions make me feel so much better about what I'm doing in the classroom. They provide a round table of best practices discussion, help for individual issues in the classroom, and ways to be a successful teacher.
My PD came into my classroom on Thursday and from what she has shared with me, she thinks my classroom and management are going pretty well. She sat in on a fun lesson about observation and predictions with mystery bags. At the end of each day, I give my students who end on yellow or purple Skittles, or magical growing beans in my classroom. In one of the bags were Skittles and a student raised his hand to predict what the group had and instead of saying Skittles, he said magical growing beans which made both me and my PD laugh.
A group of us went to our friend's lake house on Lake Wylie in South Carolina and had so much fun. It was so nice to be outside, enjoy each others company, and relax. Although there were some injuries along the way ( see my back and Mallery's toe) we all survived labor day 09.
On to week three which I am sure will bring even more stories, ups, and downs. My school has not addressed Obama's speech to students that is taking place tomorrow. I would love to tune in but the TV is not hooked up in my classroom and the computers are a little on the slow side. I hope there will be some way to watch it or it is at least mentioned before the start of school tomorrow. Off to plan, pack and prepare!
I spent two nights in the TFA office this week. The first being for a brief course in drafting a math unit assessment and the second being a Workshop course. Although I stayed at my school until 6:00 to drive over to the office, I was so happy to see faces I don't normally see during the week. I will say that these little sessions make me feel so much better about what I'm doing in the classroom. They provide a round table of best practices discussion, help for individual issues in the classroom, and ways to be a successful teacher.
My PD came into my classroom on Thursday and from what she has shared with me, she thinks my classroom and management are going pretty well. She sat in on a fun lesson about observation and predictions with mystery bags. At the end of each day, I give my students who end on yellow or purple Skittles, or magical growing beans in my classroom. In one of the bags were Skittles and a student raised his hand to predict what the group had and instead of saying Skittles, he said magical growing beans which made both me and my PD laugh.
A group of us went to our friend's lake house on Lake Wylie in South Carolina and had so much fun. It was so nice to be outside, enjoy each others company, and relax. Although there were some injuries along the way ( see my back and Mallery's toe) we all survived labor day 09.
On to week three which I am sure will bring even more stories, ups, and downs. My school has not addressed Obama's speech to students that is taking place tomorrow. I would love to tune in but the TV is not hooked up in my classroom and the computers are a little on the slow side. I hope there will be some way to watch it or it is at least mentioned before the start of school tomorrow. Off to plan, pack and prepare!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
"I ain't here to do anything half-way, don't give a damn what anyone might say, I just wanna free fall for a while..."
Teach For America is big on "finding the right balance" and "keeping you healthy so you can do your job the best way possible." With that being said, I took the liberty of doing non-teaching related activities. This was the first weekend that I feel like I really gave Charlotte and all that comes with this new town a chance and I had so much fun. It was the best weekend I've had since I've moved here which probably makes everyone reading this happier than I am because I'm not calling you and complaining about how I miss everyone! (Don't worry- I still miss everyone the same amount, I'm just trying to build a life in this area.
After surviving our first week of school, Macie and I decided to eat massive amounts of food at Mac's BBQ for dinner. We were tired of eating our home cooked, pathetic meals and actually enjoyed a meal unlike the elementary school style of multitasking while eating and never really getting a chance to finish anything.
Saturday was spent running errands, visiting the teacher store which I swear I could spend my entire life savings there, and planning for the week ahead for school. A group of us went to a tapas and sushi restaurant in Plaza Midwood which is becoming my favorite area of Charlotte because of its eclectic feel. A few TFA CMs opened their house to pretty much all of TFA for a house party which was fun. A small group of us left and went to Mallery's house and I honestly had so much fun playing games and just hanging out with the five people that were there. My favorite part of the night was convincing Ben to take us to CookOut, an amazingly greasy fast food place that makes the best milkshakes at 1:30 am.
Sunday started our kickball league and we played a double header a park nearby. Kick For America played our hearts out but to no avail, we lost our first game 9-1 to a bunch of lawyers and narrowly lost our second game to a group of CMS teachers. It was so nice to be outside and doing something athletic because I spend most of my time indoors and am too tired at the end of the day to work out. We had a lot of fun and can't wait to play more games and hopefully actually win one!
Off to prep, plan, and sleep. Bring on week two!
After surviving our first week of school, Macie and I decided to eat massive amounts of food at Mac's BBQ for dinner. We were tired of eating our home cooked, pathetic meals and actually enjoyed a meal unlike the elementary school style of multitasking while eating and never really getting a chance to finish anything.
Saturday was spent running errands, visiting the teacher store which I swear I could spend my entire life savings there, and planning for the week ahead for school. A group of us went to a tapas and sushi restaurant in Plaza Midwood which is becoming my favorite area of Charlotte because of its eclectic feel. A few TFA CMs opened their house to pretty much all of TFA for a house party which was fun. A small group of us left and went to Mallery's house and I honestly had so much fun playing games and just hanging out with the five people that were there. My favorite part of the night was convincing Ben to take us to CookOut, an amazingly greasy fast food place that makes the best milkshakes at 1:30 am.
Sunday started our kickball league and we played a double header a park nearby. Kick For America played our hearts out but to no avail, we lost our first game 9-1 to a bunch of lawyers and narrowly lost our second game to a group of CMS teachers. It was so nice to be outside and doing something athletic because I spend most of my time indoors and am too tired at the end of the day to work out. We had a lot of fun and can't wait to play more games and hopefully actually win one!
Off to prep, plan, and sleep. Bring on week two!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
A Week in Review
I made it through my first week of teaching. I'm already tired, still overwhelmed but extremely optimistic.
For the past three days, I've gone 7 hours without using the bathroom. I've eating half a turkey sandwich during my 15 minute lunch with one hand and stuffing homework folders and punching in lunch numbers with the other. I've come in early (usually around 6:45 am for a 8:30 start time and stayed on average to about 5:30 with a 2:45 end time) to feel somewhat prepared for the following days.
I have had great successes this week! I have managed to get all my students on their correct transportation every afternoon (which is one of the most difficult feats of the school day in my book.) I have BIG PLANS for my students and learned what their BIG PLANS are (a doctor for some, dog nurse or others, even just to be famous.) I've had no wet underwear if you know what I meant. I've seen only smiles and dry eyes and received a good number of hugs during the day.
My student population is largely Hispanic. Most of my student's parents speak little to no English. After the second time I sent home directions to something in their homework folder and seen the directions remain in the folder or received a note or email that says "I no speak English." I realized I needed to get everything translated that goes home. Our parent advocate is trilingual and I'm sure retreats a little bit every time she receives an email from me that says "Another translation, please!" However, I more than willing to reach out to anyone who speaks Spanish to help me translate if that means more parental involvement in the classroom.
This year will be challenging. I'm not naive in the fact that just because I have scripted curriculums that everything will be taken care of for me. I have seen my students lows already, whether that not being able to count to thirty, not being able to continue a pattern, not be able to break a word apart into syllables or even tell me what the vowels are. Little by little, I'm learning more about my students. I'm learning what they like, who they can't sit with for my sanity purposes, how many times they ask me to go to the bathroom, whether they like music playing when we do work, and what gets them excited.
Best of all, my kids make me laugh. Day two, I found myself get frustrated with the constant noise in the classroom and took the night to think about about it. My kids are six. They are little. They don't know. Everything is new to them. Everything is exciting to them and instead of stifling the discussion and their excitement, I found that I should embrace it and encourage it. If they want to count blocks out loud to themselves, great. If they want to tell me a story about something that happened to them that relates to the book we are reading, great. Participation is never an issue in my class and I praise my students every chance I get. The fireworks clap, honk honk, beep beep cheer, and the roller coaster clap are by far their favorites.
The highlight of my week had to be at the carpet this morning, while we were sharing our items im our all about me bags.
J: "I want to live in the school!"
Me: "Haha yeah?"
D: "No, I want to live with you!"
C: "Miss. Marder, you give me your phone number right now!"
K gets up from the carpet and gives me a hug, then the rest of the class proceeds to stand up out of criss cross apple sause and rush and give a class hug to me.
I love my twenty one crazy, talkative, excited, toothless kids. They have so much fun with the smallest of things. They want to grow up into something, famous for some, a model for some, doctors, dog nurses, mommys, and others. I want to help them get there but it's just one day at a a time.
For the past three days, I've gone 7 hours without using the bathroom. I've eating half a turkey sandwich during my 15 minute lunch with one hand and stuffing homework folders and punching in lunch numbers with the other. I've come in early (usually around 6:45 am for a 8:30 start time and stayed on average to about 5:30 with a 2:45 end time) to feel somewhat prepared for the following days.
I have had great successes this week! I have managed to get all my students on their correct transportation every afternoon (which is one of the most difficult feats of the school day in my book.) I have BIG PLANS for my students and learned what their BIG PLANS are (a doctor for some, dog nurse or others, even just to be famous.) I've had no wet underwear if you know what I meant. I've seen only smiles and dry eyes and received a good number of hugs during the day.
My student population is largely Hispanic. Most of my student's parents speak little to no English. After the second time I sent home directions to something in their homework folder and seen the directions remain in the folder or received a note or email that says "I no speak English." I realized I needed to get everything translated that goes home. Our parent advocate is trilingual and I'm sure retreats a little bit every time she receives an email from me that says "Another translation, please!" However, I more than willing to reach out to anyone who speaks Spanish to help me translate if that means more parental involvement in the classroom.
This year will be challenging. I'm not naive in the fact that just because I have scripted curriculums that everything will be taken care of for me. I have seen my students lows already, whether that not being able to count to thirty, not being able to continue a pattern, not be able to break a word apart into syllables or even tell me what the vowels are. Little by little, I'm learning more about my students. I'm learning what they like, who they can't sit with for my sanity purposes, how many times they ask me to go to the bathroom, whether they like music playing when we do work, and what gets them excited.
Best of all, my kids make me laugh. Day two, I found myself get frustrated with the constant noise in the classroom and took the night to think about about it. My kids are six. They are little. They don't know. Everything is new to them. Everything is exciting to them and instead of stifling the discussion and their excitement, I found that I should embrace it and encourage it. If they want to count blocks out loud to themselves, great. If they want to tell me a story about something that happened to them that relates to the book we are reading, great. Participation is never an issue in my class and I praise my students every chance I get. The fireworks clap, honk honk, beep beep cheer, and the roller coaster clap are by far their favorites.
The highlight of my week had to be at the carpet this morning, while we were sharing our items im our all about me bags.
J: "I want to live in the school!"
Me: "Haha yeah?"
D: "No, I want to live with you!"
C: "Miss. Marder, you give me your phone number right now!"
K gets up from the carpet and gives me a hug, then the rest of the class proceeds to stand up out of criss cross apple sause and rush and give a class hug to me.
I love my twenty one crazy, talkative, excited, toothless kids. They have so much fun with the smallest of things. They want to grow up into something, famous for some, a model for some, doctors, dog nurses, mommys, and others. I want to help them get there but it's just one day at a a time.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The Night Before First Grade
5 weeks of Institute training, 2 weeks of Round Zero preparation, 40+ hours spent planning and setting up my classroom last week are all being put to the test at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning when my twenty one, bright-eyed and eager first graders walk through my door.
There's so much running through my head right now. What bus are my students riding home on? Did I get everyone's lunch number right? Where did I put my Brown Bear, Brown Bear book? Why are my lesson plans out of order? What will I say when they walk in the door?
After speaking with other corps members, fellow teachers, friends and family members, I decided that I'm not prepared. Nope. I could use another year to get my feet wet in the education field. I am unsure about centers. I have no idea how to write a referral. Where exactly IS the science lab? I may not be prepared, but I am ready. I am ready to meet my students. I am ready to talk about big goals or big plans as we call them in my class. I am ready to put everything I learned to the test. I may fail. I may suck. I may forget everything I am supposed to be doing tomorrow when I stand in front of my students. Mistakes happen and no teacher is perfect. I am ready to try. I am ready to attempt. I am ready to say proudly I am a first grade teacher- whether I succeed at most or not.
I want to say good luck to the 101 other 09 Charlotte CMs heading into the classroom tomorrow. We have been through so much together and while this whole experience seems daunting and completely overwhlemed, we have all been in this together and that won't change. We will change education in Charlotte whether people like it or not. I am so proud of all of you.
Please pray for me, send me good vibes, or just think about me tomorrow and the rest of this week. Thanks for everyone's continual support and I can't wait to share my first day experience tomorrow! I wonder who is more nervous...me or my first graders. Here are picture of my beautiful classroom for your viewing pleasure :)
There's so much running through my head right now. What bus are my students riding home on? Did I get everyone's lunch number right? Where did I put my Brown Bear, Brown Bear book? Why are my lesson plans out of order? What will I say when they walk in the door?
After speaking with other corps members, fellow teachers, friends and family members, I decided that I'm not prepared. Nope. I could use another year to get my feet wet in the education field. I am unsure about centers. I have no idea how to write a referral. Where exactly IS the science lab? I may not be prepared, but I am ready. I am ready to meet my students. I am ready to talk about big goals or big plans as we call them in my class. I am ready to put everything I learned to the test. I may fail. I may suck. I may forget everything I am supposed to be doing tomorrow when I stand in front of my students. Mistakes happen and no teacher is perfect. I am ready to try. I am ready to attempt. I am ready to say proudly I am a first grade teacher- whether I succeed at most or not.
I want to say good luck to the 101 other 09 Charlotte CMs heading into the classroom tomorrow. We have been through so much together and while this whole experience seems daunting and completely overwhlemed, we have all been in this together and that won't change. We will change education in Charlotte whether people like it or not. I am so proud of all of you.
Please pray for me, send me good vibes, or just think about me tomorrow and the rest of this week. Thanks for everyone's continual support and I can't wait to share my first day experience tomorrow! I wonder who is more nervous...me or my first graders. Here are picture of my beautiful classroom for your viewing pleasure :)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Less than one week!
In 6 days, I will be the teacher of 21 six year olds. In 6 days, I will begin to teach children how to read. In 6 days, I will take everything I have learned about the education world (which, at times, doesn't seem like much) and put it to use in my own classroom.
Holy. Crap.
I wish I could even describe the whirlwind of emotions I've had lately. In short, I've been happy that the day has finally come! I'm happy I have keys to my own classroom, a great team of first grade teachers to plan with, and great supplies from my the best sister and aunt in the world. I'm overwhelmed with how much work this actually is. I'm overwhelmed by the number of things I have to juggle- considering the standard course of study, daily objectives, curriculum plans, school policies and TFA guidelines to juggle in a short 45 minute lesson. I'm exhausted from the bulletin board making, word wall cutouts and staying up to work and waking up early to do even more. I'm thrilled to meet my parents and children at open house and actually make an impact on my students' lives.
If I could share a message with those who read this little blog of mine, it would be to take the time to write a short thank you to the teachers who impacted your life. Never in a million years would I have guessed that so much heart, work, sweat, thought, and love went into this profession and being on the other side makes me realize that I took my teachers for granted. I haven't yet taught my first phonics lesson or science experiement, but I know how just how much I am going to put into those just for the sake of student achievement. And it's amazing just how selfless the job is. Teachers don't require thank yous. They get satisfaction in the fact that you can now read Hop on Pop. It takes a special type of person to be a teacher and I really want all of my teachers.
These next few days include teacher workdays where I spend my time sprucing up and decorating my classroom, meeting and planning with the grade level, and prepping for my first week as a first grade teacher.
As they say, it's the hardest job you'll ever love. Wish me luck!
Holy. Crap.
I wish I could even describe the whirlwind of emotions I've had lately. In short, I've been happy that the day has finally come! I'm happy I have keys to my own classroom, a great team of first grade teachers to plan with, and great supplies from my the best sister and aunt in the world. I'm overwhelmed with how much work this actually is. I'm overwhelmed by the number of things I have to juggle- considering the standard course of study, daily objectives, curriculum plans, school policies and TFA guidelines to juggle in a short 45 minute lesson. I'm exhausted from the bulletin board making, word wall cutouts and staying up to work and waking up early to do even more. I'm thrilled to meet my parents and children at open house and actually make an impact on my students' lives.
If I could share a message with those who read this little blog of mine, it would be to take the time to write a short thank you to the teachers who impacted your life. Never in a million years would I have guessed that so much heart, work, sweat, thought, and love went into this profession and being on the other side makes me realize that I took my teachers for granted. I haven't yet taught my first phonics lesson or science experiement, but I know how just how much I am going to put into those just for the sake of student achievement. And it's amazing just how selfless the job is. Teachers don't require thank yous. They get satisfaction in the fact that you can now read Hop on Pop. It takes a special type of person to be a teacher and I really want all of my teachers.
These next few days include teacher workdays where I spend my time sprucing up and decorating my classroom, meeting and planning with the grade level, and prepping for my first week as a first grade teacher.
As they say, it's the hardest job you'll ever love. Wish me luck!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Making home a little homier
For those who talked to me over the past weekend, probably heard me cry, or be negative, and just not be my normal, happy-g0-lucky self. Adjusting to a new place has been some what of a wake up call so far. It feels like college all over again, except for sharing a dorm. The putting yourself out there part is exactly the same and I hate to say it, but I had been complacent my last years in college. I had the best friends in the world and liked how things were going enough to not change.
After a few days of mopping around, I decided to take some advice of a good friend of mine:
"also, just a nugget of living on your own advice: set habits from the start. it's all about you now. and you get to set the trajectory of how you wanna live your day to day. so if that means that you go for a run every morning at 5 AM in some really cool place of Charlotte then do it. or if that means that before you go to sleep you'll fill your nothing book with some nugget of the day that changed your life. do your thing the way that we always say we are gonna do our thing but don't necessarily follow through on."
I've decided to act on this advice and my new living space, my home. Making this new town, my town. Making this new people, my friends. It's up to me. No one is going to do it for me now as much as I would like to.
So what did I do this week? I finally am 85% unpacked. I called friends and family and talked about the positives. I visited my classroom for the first time. I went for a run in my new neighborhood. As rough as those hills were to run on for the first time ever, it's about me getting used to the new normal. I spent time with my 1st grade team and planned our goals and got to know some of the girls in the same boat as me. I explored some local coffee shops and restaurants in my area. And I think I just realized, everything will come together eventually. It just takes baby steps.
So here's to setting a routine that makes me happy and adjusting my mindset on this new city of mine.
After a few days of mopping around, I decided to take some advice of a good friend of mine:
"also, just a nugget of living on your own advice: set habits from the start. it's all about you now. and you get to set the trajectory of how you wanna live your day to day. so if that means that you go for a run every morning at 5 AM in some really cool place of Charlotte then do it. or if that means that before you go to sleep you'll fill your nothing book with some nugget of the day that changed your life. do your thing the way that we always say we are gonna do our thing but don't necessarily follow through on."
I've decided to act on this advice and my new living space, my home. Making this new town, my town. Making this new people, my friends. It's up to me. No one is going to do it for me now as much as I would like to.
So what did I do this week? I finally am 85% unpacked. I called friends and family and talked about the positives. I visited my classroom for the first time. I went for a run in my new neighborhood. As rough as those hills were to run on for the first time ever, it's about me getting used to the new normal. I spent time with my 1st grade team and planned our goals and got to know some of the girls in the same boat as me. I explored some local coffee shops and restaurants in my area. And I think I just realized, everything will come together eventually. It just takes baby steps.
So here's to setting a routine that makes me happy and adjusting my mindset on this new city of mine.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
"I was running away from the only thing I've ever known..."
After one week of introductions and five weeks of lesson planning, not sleeping and dorm room living, I am finally settled into the next chapter of my life in Charlotte. It still really hasn't hit me that these streets I wander are my permanent home for the next two years. It's hard to call somewhere 'my home' after such a busy summer of traveling back and forth and living out of the multiple suitcases I've packed and unpacked.
For the one millionth time I'll say my famous phrase- it's hard. I'm living a new state where I know no one, a new house with new roommates, with a new job that has aspects so foreign to me. Really, the only things familiar are the multiple phone calls from great friends and family checking to make sure I settled in okay and the small amount of belongings from home that I could fit in my car (though my mom would beg to differ.) No one said it would be easy and I know that. I got a little homesick last night for my best friends who know me, my sisters and mom, roads I could actually navigate without the help of my GPS, and even the treehouse. I'm trying to keep my chin up and realize that new things take time to adjust to and I've never been good adapting to change but I knew what I was signing up for when I joined TFA which includes the rocky transition from everything familiar to everything completely foreign.
The next few weeks consist of constant training, big goal setting, planning (yay), online courses, and the tasky things that come with becoming a resident of a new state. On top of this, I want to find things in Charlotte that will allow me to meet people- maybe a church, a running club, match.com (kidding.) The more I work, the more excited and scared I become to step foot in my classroom in 23 short days. The fact that I my students will show up bright eyed and ready for a new year puts a smile on my face- exactly what I need right now.
Anyway, off to prepare for tomorrow. Thanks for the constant support and any advice on adjusting to a new home is greatly appreciated :)
For the one millionth time I'll say my famous phrase- it's hard. I'm living a new state where I know no one, a new house with new roommates, with a new job that has aspects so foreign to me. Really, the only things familiar are the multiple phone calls from great friends and family checking to make sure I settled in okay and the small amount of belongings from home that I could fit in my car (though my mom would beg to differ.) No one said it would be easy and I know that. I got a little homesick last night for my best friends who know me, my sisters and mom, roads I could actually navigate without the help of my GPS, and even the treehouse. I'm trying to keep my chin up and realize that new things take time to adjust to and I've never been good adapting to change but I knew what I was signing up for when I joined TFA which includes the rocky transition from everything familiar to everything completely foreign.
The next few weeks consist of constant training, big goal setting, planning (yay), online courses, and the tasky things that come with becoming a resident of a new state. On top of this, I want to find things in Charlotte that will allow me to meet people- maybe a church, a running club, match.com (kidding.) The more I work, the more excited and scared I become to step foot in my classroom in 23 short days. The fact that I my students will show up bright eyed and ready for a new year puts a smile on my face- exactly what I need right now.
Anyway, off to prepare for tomorrow. Thanks for the constant support and any advice on adjusting to a new home is greatly appreciated :)
Sunday, July 26, 2009
"With the chance I've been given I'm gonna be driven as hell..."
I am now back in Florida after a very rigorous yet rewarding five weeks of my life at Chicago Institute. I am so happy and proud to have been one of the 600 corps members at the charter Institute in Chicago and will use that experience to guide me into the next chapter of my TFA life- teaching first grade in my own classroom in Charlotte.
Institute was very helpful and definitely prepared me for certain aspects of being a teacher but I'm nervous as hell to be on my own, using the state standards, curriculum books, my own behavior and mastery tracking systems and just being in charge of possibly 22+ 6 year olds. My sister and aunt have been wonderful in aiding me in the transition from college student to new teacher. My sister has provided me with an array of books, math manipulatives, bulletin board boarder, graphic organizers and so much more. I'm so lucky to have such supportive family members and friends who care about me during this experience.
I permanently move to Charlotte on Tuesday and it really hasn't hit me that I'm moving to a new city with no one except my TFA friends. I'm packing my little SUV with as much as I can fit in it and am even contemplating leaving my own belongings behind to take my new teacher supplies. I have my apartment which is so great so these next few weeks will be all about putting together my new home. My mom is driving up with me to help me get situated and adjusted to Charlotte.
Reflecting on the past five weeks, I'm proud to say that all of my students improved in math and 4 advanced on their DRA tests (reading tests). Not only my students grew, but I grew and learned so much about myself and the new profession I am about to immerse myself in.
First, I learned that every day is a new day. Hell, every hour is a new hour. Kids are weird and they change and one minute they are happy and one minute they are mad at you for writing the wrong thing on the board. Just because something can go wrong on Thursday doesn't mean Friday you can't wipe the slate clean and make an impact. I learned to have a plan for everything. Everything. Absolutely everything. Alyssa, the non-planner, go with the flow girl you used to know, has become a planner. Lesson plans, bathroom procedures, how to handle books plans. Lastly, I learned to be reflective. I've never really been the person to think about my actions or think back on what happened and how I can move forward. This experience has taught me not only how to reflect but how important it is. If a lesson plan doesn't work, I need to think of why and how I can move forward. I need to reflect on the different needs of my students such as how they learn and what their lives are like. I'm so finally appreciative of this new found "skill" because of its importance for my development as a teacher.
Off to pack, relax, and reflect. :)
Institute was very helpful and definitely prepared me for certain aspects of being a teacher but I'm nervous as hell to be on my own, using the state standards, curriculum books, my own behavior and mastery tracking systems and just being in charge of possibly 22+ 6 year olds. My sister and aunt have been wonderful in aiding me in the transition from college student to new teacher. My sister has provided me with an array of books, math manipulatives, bulletin board boarder, graphic organizers and so much more. I'm so lucky to have such supportive family members and friends who care about me during this experience.
I permanently move to Charlotte on Tuesday and it really hasn't hit me that I'm moving to a new city with no one except my TFA friends. I'm packing my little SUV with as much as I can fit in it and am even contemplating leaving my own belongings behind to take my new teacher supplies. I have my apartment which is so great so these next few weeks will be all about putting together my new home. My mom is driving up with me to help me get situated and adjusted to Charlotte.
Reflecting on the past five weeks, I'm proud to say that all of my students improved in math and 4 advanced on their DRA tests (reading tests). Not only my students grew, but I grew and learned so much about myself and the new profession I am about to immerse myself in.
First, I learned that every day is a new day. Hell, every hour is a new hour. Kids are weird and they change and one minute they are happy and one minute they are mad at you for writing the wrong thing on the board. Just because something can go wrong on Thursday doesn't mean Friday you can't wipe the slate clean and make an impact. I learned to have a plan for everything. Everything. Absolutely everything. Alyssa, the non-planner, go with the flow girl you used to know, has become a planner. Lesson plans, bathroom procedures, how to handle books plans. Lastly, I learned to be reflective. I've never really been the person to think about my actions or think back on what happened and how I can move forward. This experience has taught me not only how to reflect but how important it is. If a lesson plan doesn't work, I need to think of why and how I can move forward. I need to reflect on the different needs of my students such as how they learn and what their lives are like. I'm so finally appreciative of this new found "skill" because of its importance for my development as a teacher.
Off to pack, relax, and reflect. :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
"But I believe in whatever you do and I'll do anything to see it through..."
I haven't blogged in a while and I regret it but I'm going to do my best to catch up.
These past five weeks have been crazy. They have had ups and downs and extreme lows and extreme highs. I've been so busy and not just busy work busy, but busy with a task, a job that is completely new to me. I've been doing well, or so I think, but there's always room for an improvement. Some days I went into the classroom completely confident, only to have my lesson fall flat on my face. They say if they're not learning, you're not teaching. Makes me wonder what I've been doing some days.
I have 10 wonderful students at Webster Elementary on the west side of Chicago who deserve everything in the world. They may behave below par, not understand subtraction, say "cheer it up" when I said "tier it up" but they are students and scholars who deserve the best education in the world. I have built relationships with my students and genuinely care about their well being. I had some students who didn't get any sleep at night, who had tummy aches from not eating, but they didn't let it effect their education which really says a lot. It's weird to know that in 2 days, I'll be saying goodbye and leaving them at Webster, maybe never hearing from them again.
On the bright side, I was placed as a first grade teacher at Windsor Park Elementary in Charlotte and I couldn't be more excited. I finally have students. I have a classroom. I have coworkers. This whole experience that was once such a distant thought is such a reality and I'm living it completely. I love the Charlotte Corps and the people I have been lucky enough to become close with. Although we've been together for only 6 short weeks, we have clung to each other during Institute and been through the experience together. I feel like when we go back to our region, we will be just as strong.
I'm really sad to leave Chicago. I love this city and I wish I had put it higher up on my region preference list. I'm sad to leave my sister and her family because for once we lived in the same state. I'm sad to leave the Chicago corps members I got so close to at Webster and Melody. Such great teachers and now great friends. I'm sad to leave someone I got close to while I was here who showed me the best side of Chicago. I feel like for the past 2 months, all I've been doing is saying goodbye. Goodbye to Orlando and my best friends there. Saying goodbye to Naples and my loving family. Now saying goodbye to the best in Chicago.
To end this on a happier note, I got two notes from my students today and while they are not indicative of our whole experience here, I love their words and will keep these forever.
Note 1: "Dear Ms. Marder. You is my favorite person. You could be my sister."
Note 2: "Dear Ms. Marder. You're my 1+++ teacher."
These past five weeks have been crazy. They have had ups and downs and extreme lows and extreme highs. I've been so busy and not just busy work busy, but busy with a task, a job that is completely new to me. I've been doing well, or so I think, but there's always room for an improvement. Some days I went into the classroom completely confident, only to have my lesson fall flat on my face. They say if they're not learning, you're not teaching. Makes me wonder what I've been doing some days.
I have 10 wonderful students at Webster Elementary on the west side of Chicago who deserve everything in the world. They may behave below par, not understand subtraction, say "cheer it up" when I said "tier it up" but they are students and scholars who deserve the best education in the world. I have built relationships with my students and genuinely care about their well being. I had some students who didn't get any sleep at night, who had tummy aches from not eating, but they didn't let it effect their education which really says a lot. It's weird to know that in 2 days, I'll be saying goodbye and leaving them at Webster, maybe never hearing from them again.
On the bright side, I was placed as a first grade teacher at Windsor Park Elementary in Charlotte and I couldn't be more excited. I finally have students. I have a classroom. I have coworkers. This whole experience that was once such a distant thought is such a reality and I'm living it completely. I love the Charlotte Corps and the people I have been lucky enough to become close with. Although we've been together for only 6 short weeks, we have clung to each other during Institute and been through the experience together. I feel like when we go back to our region, we will be just as strong.
I'm really sad to leave Chicago. I love this city and I wish I had put it higher up on my region preference list. I'm sad to leave my sister and her family because for once we lived in the same state. I'm sad to leave the Chicago corps members I got so close to at Webster and Melody. Such great teachers and now great friends. I'm sad to leave someone I got close to while I was here who showed me the best side of Chicago. I feel like for the past 2 months, all I've been doing is saying goodbye. Goodbye to Orlando and my best friends there. Saying goodbye to Naples and my loving family. Now saying goodbye to the best in Chicago.
To end this on a happier note, I got two notes from my students today and while they are not indicative of our whole experience here, I love their words and will keep these forever.
Note 1: "Dear Ms. Marder. You is my favorite person. You could be my sister."
Note 2: "Dear Ms. Marder. You're my 1+++ teacher."
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The plus side of teaching? Always being the life of the party.
So I survived both my first and second day of teaching at Webster Elementary School on the south side of Chicago. These were the days were I was able to put to test my non-education background and last week of back to back lesson planning clinics, sessions and worksheets during Institute.
It wasn't easy and it still isn't but I'm learning and each day I come home from school with more questions than answers and more questions the next day. And even though some of these questions never get answered and the pile keeps getting bigger and bigger, I'm slowly navigating through this whole teaching profession.
The first day was rough. The second day was an improvement. The biggest feeling I get each day is feeling like I'm inadequate for my class. I have 9 sets of bright eyes staring at me for 35 minutes as I talk synonyms and parallel sentence structure at them and they are left with so many questions. While I want to run around the room, and help all of them, I can only do one at a time. I feel like I need to produce 10 of me just to be effective. I know they are learning and I know the payoff isn't instantaneous. I'm learning so much about me each day and I think my biggest realization is that you don't really need a thank you, or a big aha! moment to know you made a difference. It might take days or years, but in the end, you have made a difference and you have to trust in yourself to know that.
It's only day 3 of teaching and while I have spent some time questioning what I am doing, questioning the curriculum, questioning the what ifs about this whole experience, I had the best moment today that gave me a breath of fresh air. One of my students, a girl who usually acts out in class, came up to me when we were lining up to leave, complete with her Hannah Montana backpack and a smile on her face says "Bye, Miss Marder." and gives me a big hug.
Moments like that make the what ifs so much more bearable.
It wasn't easy and it still isn't but I'm learning and each day I come home from school with more questions than answers and more questions the next day. And even though some of these questions never get answered and the pile keeps getting bigger and bigger, I'm slowly navigating through this whole teaching profession.
The first day was rough. The second day was an improvement. The biggest feeling I get each day is feeling like I'm inadequate for my class. I have 9 sets of bright eyes staring at me for 35 minutes as I talk synonyms and parallel sentence structure at them and they are left with so many questions. While I want to run around the room, and help all of them, I can only do one at a time. I feel like I need to produce 10 of me just to be effective. I know they are learning and I know the payoff isn't instantaneous. I'm learning so much about me each day and I think my biggest realization is that you don't really need a thank you, or a big aha! moment to know you made a difference. It might take days or years, but in the end, you have made a difference and you have to trust in yourself to know that.
It's only day 3 of teaching and while I have spent some time questioning what I am doing, questioning the curriculum, questioning the what ifs about this whole experience, I had the best moment today that gave me a breath of fresh air. One of my students, a girl who usually acts out in class, came up to me when we were lining up to leave, complete with her Hannah Montana backpack and a smile on her face says "Bye, Miss Marder." and gives me a big hug.
Moments like that make the what ifs so much more bearable.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Staying Strong in the Windy City
So I've survived my first week of Institute in Chicago and it was such a roller coaster of emotion. Basically the first week consisted of waking up at 5:30am to eat breakfast, pack a lunch, say a quick hi to my friends and then head out to Webster and Melody Elementary Schools, my home away from home for the next five weeks. While there are things to complain about, my overall experience with Institute has been positive. There are certain aspects that have taken some getting used to such as the lesson planning templates, immersing yourself in 4 different curriculums, the lack of AC in the schools and just adjusting not even seeing my Charlotte friends during the day. I'm teaching 2nd grade and starting this week of with writing. It's so funny to look back at the curriculum and remember what exactly you learned when you were in second grade.
It's not easy, that's for sure. There was a point in the middle of last week when I was just asking myself, why am I here. I couldn't quite get the concept of key points, I was exhausted and I was just not used to not getting an idea or concept on the first go around. Luckily, I have a lot of positive forces around me that sent me encouraging emails, texts that made me smile and friends here reassuring the fact that we are all in this together. I have come, in my mind, so far from that moment now and I'm glad that I'm here. My turning point was actually meeting my captive 9 2nd graders who were so eager to call me "their teacher."
This weekend we had time off to explore Chicago and I love it here. We went out, we shopped on Michigan Avenue, went to a free Counting Crows concert, went on the Navy Pier ferris wheel and just enjoyed ourselves. I'm really lucky to have met such a great friends already and I don't think I could get through this experience without them. At the end of the day, even for a 15 minute dinner, I find so much comfort in sharing stories from our days.
And so begins the first day of actual teaching. I'm nervous but so excited at the same time to get my feet wet, receive (hopefully) constructive criticism, and help make a difference in my student's lives.
With that, I'll leave you wit
h some pictures from the weekend.
It's not easy, that's for sure. There was a point in the middle of last week when I was just asking myself, why am I here. I couldn't quite get the concept of key points, I was exhausted and I was just not used to not getting an idea or concept on the first go around. Luckily, I have a lot of positive forces around me that sent me encouraging emails, texts that made me smile and friends here reassuring the fact that we are all in this together. I have come, in my mind, so far from that moment now and I'm glad that I'm here. My turning point was actually meeting my captive 9 2nd graders who were so eager to call me "their teacher."
This weekend we had time off to explore Chicago and I love it here. We went out, we shopped on Michigan Avenue, went to a free Counting Crows concert, went on the Navy Pier ferris wheel and just enjoyed ourselves. I'm really lucky to have met such a great friends already and I don't think I could get through this experience without them. At the end of the day, even for a 15 minute dinner, I find so much comfort in sharing stories from our days.
And so begins the first day of actual teaching. I'm nervous but so excited at the same time to get my feet wet, receive (hopefully) constructive criticism, and help make a difference in my student's lives.
With that, I'll leave you wit
h some pictures from the weekend.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Charlotte Induction
So I have just spent the last week in Charlotte and life has been pretty busy with Induction concluding tonight and I couldn't have asked for a better time. I'm exhausted, filled with questions, and so happy to have met such wonderful people and have such a great opportunity.
This past week we have learned the deeper meaning behind the achievement gap in Charlotte and how will impact one third, I repeat, one third of students in Charlotte. That number resounds in my mind about the positive impact we will have on these children's lives as we aim toward significant gains in the classroom. I am so privileged to be in the classroom here and although I am still in the dark about how I will achieve all that I want to in my classroom, I know that I have the power to do it. We have had sessions on Teach For America and AmeriCorps, the support we receive during this whole experience and have had so many opportunities to get to know the other CMs.
I'm happy to say that I have a great group of friends already up here, wonderful new roommates to fill the very big shoes of my great old roommates, and have a clearer vision of exactly why I not only want to teach but need to. I've been able to explore the Queen City and become more aquainted with the southern culture. I have an apartment which is great and is in a great area of the city and can't wait for all of you to come and visit!
One thing that I have really enjoyed this week is the diversity of thought between the CMs. We all come from such diverse backgrounds and educational areas that we all bring something different to the table. The insight that these people have is so refreshing to hear and opens my eyes to such different aspects of a single question I wouldn't have even considered. It's a very different discussion than I ever had at UCF and it's very enlightening and empowering.
With that being said, the other CMs and I take off for the Windy City on Sunday to begin Institute and honestly, I can't wait. Yes, we will be tired and I'll be slightly out of touch of reality but I can't wait to put a face behind the statistics and meet the children that I am working for.
This past week we have learned the deeper meaning behind the achievement gap in Charlotte and how will impact one third, I repeat, one third of students in Charlotte. That number resounds in my mind about the positive impact we will have on these children's lives as we aim toward significant gains in the classroom. I am so privileged to be in the classroom here and although I am still in the dark about how I will achieve all that I want to in my classroom, I know that I have the power to do it. We have had sessions on Teach For America and AmeriCorps, the support we receive during this whole experience and have had so many opportunities to get to know the other CMs.
I'm happy to say that I have a great group of friends already up here, wonderful new roommates to fill the very big shoes of my great old roommates, and have a clearer vision of exactly why I not only want to teach but need to. I've been able to explore the Queen City and become more aquainted with the southern culture. I have an apartment which is great and is in a great area of the city and can't wait for all of you to come and visit!
One thing that I have really enjoyed this week is the diversity of thought between the CMs. We all come from such diverse backgrounds and educational areas that we all bring something different to the table. The insight that these people have is so refreshing to hear and opens my eyes to such different aspects of a single question I wouldn't have even considered. It's a very different discussion than I ever had at UCF and it's very enlightening and empowering.
With that being said, the other CMs and I take off for the Windy City on Sunday to begin Institute and honestly, I can't wait. Yes, we will be tired and I'll be slightly out of touch of reality but I can't wait to put a face behind the statistics and meet the children that I am working for.
Friday, June 12, 2009
"No parachutes or safety nets here, one foot in the water to face these fears..."
After 11.5 hours of driving, 4 stops at the reststops, 3 gas fill ups and 1 coffee toffee twisted frostee, I made it to Charlotte!
For those of you that know me, know that I truly believe in the power of music and how it has an uncanny ability to fit in the the most appropriate situations. Although it's incredibly corny, as I merged onto I-485 and caught the first glimpse of my new skyline, Natasha Bedingfield's song "Unrwritten" came on the radio. I got this inexplicable feeling as I heard the lyrics we've all heard too many times. I'm starting on a new path. This is a new town with new people and new places. Although I'll take the good ones with me in my heart, this is just a brand new experience and I am so excited and can't wait to see what this experience has in store for me. I can't wait to step foot in my classroom and meet my students and just find my place here.
Tomorrow, I begin my commitment to Teach For America. This day is finally here. After so much waiting and anticipation, I will finally meet the other Corps Members who have decided to dedicate two years of their lives to make difference in this world. I spend a week in Charlotte getting aquainted with the others, the TFA program in Charlotte, and the area through sessions and mixers and then it's off to Chicago for Institute on Sunday.
I think the hardest part so far is being way from the people who know me. It's an incredibly hard thing to move away from the familiar and step out into the world with just yourself. I have to remember that this is a huge learning process for everyone and most likely there are others in the same boat as me.
Here's to a good first week in Charlotte, my new home!
For those of you that know me, know that I truly believe in the power of music and how it has an uncanny ability to fit in the the most appropriate situations. Although it's incredibly corny, as I merged onto I-485 and caught the first glimpse of my new skyline, Natasha Bedingfield's song "Unrwritten" came on the radio. I got this inexplicable feeling as I heard the lyrics we've all heard too many times. I'm starting on a new path. This is a new town with new people and new places. Although I'll take the good ones with me in my heart, this is just a brand new experience and I am so excited and can't wait to see what this experience has in store for me. I can't wait to step foot in my classroom and meet my students and just find my place here.
Tomorrow, I begin my commitment to Teach For America. This day is finally here. After so much waiting and anticipation, I will finally meet the other Corps Members who have decided to dedicate two years of their lives to make difference in this world. I spend a week in Charlotte getting aquainted with the others, the TFA program in Charlotte, and the area through sessions and mixers and then it's off to Chicago for Institute on Sunday.
I think the hardest part so far is being way from the people who know me. It's an incredibly hard thing to move away from the familiar and step out into the world with just yourself. I have to remember that this is a huge learning process for everyone and most likely there are others in the same boat as me.
Here's to a good first week in Charlotte, my new home!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
"I gotta move while my future's bright and sunny..."
And so it begins.
I've never really been one to write my feelings- in journals, on Web sites, in letters. In fact, the most truthful writing I publish takes the form of emails that I never send, but sit in the draft box of my Gmail. I have always heard, however, that blogs can be quite cathartic, a way to express everything so the entire world can read it. And as I embark on this new journey called Teach For America, I feel like that is exactly what I will need. So I hope that this blog helps you understand my mission, my dreams, my adventures and sometimes, my failures.
I've been asked the million dollar question many times: "Why are you doing Teach For America?" After visiting DC a few weeks ago and stood staring at the graves of men and women who gave their life for our country in Arlington National Cemetery, I thought about my service to our country. While I am not in the armed services, I am part of AmeriCorps, my chance to put my ideals into action and establish change in our country. While I may not be serving overseas, I may be educating the future men and women who will. Or the next President. Or the next great American writer. It is this aspect of the job that lured me in. I am doing my part to give opportunities to students who may not necessarily receive them because of their hometown.
I know that there will be plenty of time to get my dream job, explore the seven wonders of the world, and so on but this is exactly what I want to be doing right now. I owe a million thanks to those that helped get me here- a few close friends, advisors I look up to, and family members. And so begins my journey to Charlotte, NC as an elementary school teacher. After spending a week in Charlotte for my Induction and five short weeks in Chicago for my rigorous Institute training, I will be on the front line in my classroom, hopefully hitting the ground running and not just hitting the ground.
I can't wait to share my stories, pictures, adventures and new life with you all.
I've never really been one to write my feelings- in journals, on Web sites, in letters. In fact, the most truthful writing I publish takes the form of emails that I never send, but sit in the draft box of my Gmail. I have always heard, however, that blogs can be quite cathartic, a way to express everything so the entire world can read it. And as I embark on this new journey called Teach For America, I feel like that is exactly what I will need. So I hope that this blog helps you understand my mission, my dreams, my adventures and sometimes, my failures.
I've been asked the million dollar question many times: "Why are you doing Teach For America?" After visiting DC a few weeks ago and stood staring at the graves of men and women who gave their life for our country in Arlington National Cemetery, I thought about my service to our country. While I am not in the armed services, I am part of AmeriCorps, my chance to put my ideals into action and establish change in our country. While I may not be serving overseas, I may be educating the future men and women who will. Or the next President. Or the next great American writer. It is this aspect of the job that lured me in. I am doing my part to give opportunities to students who may not necessarily receive them because of their hometown.
I know that there will be plenty of time to get my dream job, explore the seven wonders of the world, and so on but this is exactly what I want to be doing right now. I owe a million thanks to those that helped get me here- a few close friends, advisors I look up to, and family members. And so begins my journey to Charlotte, NC as an elementary school teacher. After spending a week in Charlotte for my Induction and five short weeks in Chicago for my rigorous Institute training, I will be on the front line in my classroom, hopefully hitting the ground running and not just hitting the ground.
I can't wait to share my stories, pictures, adventures and new life with you all.
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